To Be a Queen Among Queens

This column begins a series exploring the path of the Queen – that period of life that isn't yet Crone, but is moving past the Mother's time, into a time of more autonomy, deeper wisdom, new emotions and powers and skills. It is a rich time, and sometimes a scary time, as menopause and bodily changes accompany the spiritual gifts so abundantly distributed by the Goddess to her forty- and fiftysomething daughters. Because looking within is an important part of this aspect of our woman-lives, I'm going to use the tarot as both teaching tool and divination device as we walk this path together. Like the Fool's journey through the tarot, the Queen's progress involves serendipity, courage, openness to new experiences, and above all, moment-to-moment awareness of the spiritual opportunities that are around every bend.

Let's start our journey with the word queen itself. Why even bring in a fourth aspect of the Goddess or of a woman's life? Doesn't Maiden-Mother-Crone cover the bases pretty thoroughly? Yes and no. It is not my intention to undermine or diminish the Triple Goddess archetype in any way, or denigrate its meaning in our Goddess heritage and tradition. But that doesn't mean we can't augment the Big Three and adapt for our own use, as I hope we feel free to adapt any and all spiritual traditions to make them even more relevant and vital in our lives. For example, some young women embrace various alternative aspects of the Maiden Goddess: the Wild Maiden, the Dark Maiden, and so on. There is a Dark Mother as well, and a Crone of Light, interpreted by artist Joanna Powell Colbert as the Crone of May (see this Crone here), and many others.

If we allow for some creative self-expression in the venue of the Triple Goddess, the Queen begins to emerge in her logical position, somewhere around the time of menopause, when children are grown and active mothering is either winding down or no longer an option. To paraphrase Britney (please forgive me), you're not just a mother, not yet a crone. It's a time of great power and potential, a time when – spiritually speaking, at least – you stand particularly tall and hold your head high. The word queen has come into common use for this period because of this power, this self-possession and attitude of true authority that can only come from life experience. Some people object to the word because of its intimations of hierarchy and "power-over," to use Starhawk's term for controlling power that keeps others in a weaker position. So let's take a look at the idea of queenliness, using the tarot as a guide, and beginning with the most queenly card in the deck: the Empress.

At first glance, what could be more power-over than an empress? She rules absolutely, her word is law, and her empire is commanded and controlled by her alone. And yet, if you are familiar with the tarot, you're smiling now, because you know that isn't what the Empress is about at all. She is, in fact, the Goddess at her most benevolent, her most generous, and above all, her most empowering. Her power comes from within, and she can share power with others without fear of losing her own position of authority. This is the key to queenliness in our stage of life – we have enough confidence now to not be threatened by the gifts and blessings we see in others. Indeed, we are happy to add to those blessings, because we know by now it doesn't diminish us in any way to have other people be powerful. To be a queen among queens is the ideal. Does that mean there is never jealousy or competitiveness or fear? Of course not – we're still human, after all. And we will take a look at those shadows in future columns. For the moment, though, let's stay with this strong and radiant image of womanly power at its peak.

Getting the Empress card in a reading is generally auspicious – the Goddess is present, and Her abundance blesses your undertaking. When I made my own tarot deck, I used imagery for the Empress that is lush with symbols of the Mother Goddess – eggs and grapes and a big pregnant belly. But scattered among those eggs, I put portraits of other queens, symbolizing the Empress's desire to stand on equal footing with her sisters, encouraging their own power and supporting the governing of their own realms. Supportive sisterhood is one of the most important aspects of the Queen stage of our lives. As Maidens, we often have a wide circle of friends and acquaintances, many of whom will come and go as we grow and move beyond the needs those relationships filled. We also may be competitive with other women, alas, as we try our newfound strengths in terms of jobs, sexual adventures, and self-esteem. In the Mother stage of life, our focus is often on family, mates, children, and the demands of a career, and friendship may take a backseat by necessity or choice. As we turn our gaze toward the land of the Crone, viewing it from the high hill of the Queen's vantage point, the preciousness of our woman friends becomes more apparent. We will be each other's strength in the years to come. If in your Mother years you have let the flame of friendship fade, it's time to stoke those fires.

Let's do a tarot reading about your friendships with other women, which I call The Queen's Crown. Go through your tarot cards and pull out all the cards that picture women (it's okay if men are present too). These will include the four Queens, of course, but depending on the deck you use, there will be many others, in both the Major and Minor Arcana. If a character is gender-ambiguous (such as some of the Pages in the Waite-Smith deck) and you wish to call it female for this exercise, go ahead. Put the Empress card face up in the center and then mix the other cards face-down, while thinking about your friends, both past and present, near and far, intimate and estranged. Think about how you would like to live the rest of your life in terms of friendships. In your mind, name three particular friends you would like some insight about in this reading. When the cards feel mixed, lay them out in a vertical line as follows:

1: The roots of your attitude toward friendship with other women; experiences in your past that shape your actions today.

2: Your fears and hesitations about friendship. What would you like to leave behind?

3: Your longings and hopes about friendship. What do you need and wish to draw to you?

Above these cards place three more cards in a crown shape. These cards represent the three women friends. Look at the images on these cards and use them as both an affirmation of those ties and a way to understand how to feed those friendships and strengthen them for the long haul. For example, if you draw the Queen of Cups/Water for your friend Mary, you might interpret that as a reminder that Mary is quite sensitive and intuitive, likely to empathize with you and provide a source of emotional support if you allow her the closeness in which to offer those gifts. You might consider ways in which the two of you can share your lives on a deeper, more mystical level, such as doing divination together, or something more mundane but just as powerful, such as sharing music or art experiences – going to a concert or a museum and talking afterwards about what pieces moved you and why.

Individual friendships are the foundation of community. Women empowering other women and building toward a strong community of crones is something you can do right now, starting today. Think of the women who mean the most to you. What do you know of their dreams and aspirations for the years ahead? If the answer is, "Not much," you have some homework to do! Talk together about what it means to be at this stage of life, how your hearts are big enough and strong enough to offer support to each other for the path ahead. Your wisdom comes from years of challenges and triumphs, and it's waiting to be shared with your sister-queens. Your skills are honed, your sense of humor is primed, your imagination is bubbling. You may want to create a circle – a Council of Queens! – to talk about the things that are still on your lifetime to-do lists, and to encourage each other to make them a reality. Whether it's a trip to Greece or writing a novel or teaching a workshop, where does your queenly self want to go?

I'm calling this column "The Queen's Progress" for two reasons. First, the word progress carries the meaning of a ceremonial journey, and in that way, it is much like the Fool's journey in the tarot, the tool we will be using to understand more about the Queen. The other meaning of progress – to improve and develop – is something that many women take especially seriously at this stage of life. There aren't too many years left before donning the mantle of the Crone, and the awesome responsibility of that knowledge affects the choices we make and the improvements we seek in ourselves and our lives. At every stage of life, the Goddess calls us to be the best we can be. Say with pride, "I am a Queen!" and feel that power surge through you. If that surge sometimes requires a cooling drink and a hand-held fan, just laugh and remember it's all part of the Goddess's power working through you, her magnificent and majestic daughter.